Alex and Alex have been bothering me about mattt lately. Beth kinda does too but i never feel beth is realy pushing me into anything, just presenting her own oppinion. Alex and Aled however ( perticularly big alex ) askes nearly every day when and if i have broken up with my "girlfriend" yet. At first it was funny, but it is starting to bother me a bit. I know some of my friends don't like him because he is... white bread, and i am more like jambalaya and the two don't mix ( although garlic bread works nicely ) It bothers me thogh that my friends don't like him. I think it may be a prablem of the both of them. Mattt is not thrilled because he wants his friends to be my friends, which i am happy to do if he ever spent time with them outside of trojan vision, and he doesn't want me to have friends at northridge bcasue he believes that it will influince my decision in which school i will attend in the fall ( should i get accepted to USC ) but it is not as if his attending USC doesn't influence me.

My point is i am sad that my friends are not his friends and becasue he is a bit reluctant to accept them, becasue by accepting them as friends he feels he binds me to northridge ever more and he beleive i can attend a better and more expensive school, my friends decide that he is boaring, and unowrthy, and that they don't like him.

This however puts me in an awword situation becasue i love mattt, at least i think i do, and i realy realy like my friends and i refuse to choose between them, because that is just stupid, i now have to devide my time because they are not so keen on spending time together.

What matt doesn't realize however is that should i choose to go to USC, which both he and my parents are pushing, it will be a bit more difficaly for me to see my northridge friends, and will thereby test the friendship a bit and just make things a bit more difficalt in general and his being friends with my friends, shoudl i choose usc, would make it easier for me because i would not have to devide my time as much and would be able to soend more time with them.

What my friends don't understand is that mattt has been by mest friend for about 4 years now, and i have been dating him for 3 years, and he is very very important to me. I'm not saying he has prsidence, but his hold/effect on me is very very strong, and it is not dissmissed very easily.

So what do i do?
- posted by annie @ 9:16 PM

 
This site has not been touched for a while..but there is somethign i have to put on here.

i got high this cristmas with my cousins....yeah....i know, me! but i did

what more i played idiots poker with my cousine christina and her friend neal and i did somehting i never though i woudl do. For example, i stood on the corner with my shirt off waving at the 3 cars that passed by ( oh i was so embarased! but that was the dare and thats what i had to do )

also a little later the guy, neal, kissed me when christy left the room...and i took me a second to say hey look i can't do this i feel guilty...etc. course what realy came out of my mouth was "i'm not feeling it" thats not realy wnat i meant! i meant i was feeling guilty and so i wans not feeling it...but well...he goes into hiding when i come into town now....woops....i tryed to tel him thats not what i ment..but....yeah.

so thats it for now. ( i say funny stuff when i am hight though apparently! go me!)

THE END

- posted by annie @ 11:41 AM

 
Dylan:
"who woulda thunk mattt woulda wound up with such a cute gf"

...hells yeah!

- posted by annie @ 11:57 PM

 
crew:
after having a long conversation with willie during crew he suddendly came out with this
"Wanna have sex now?"
Annie thinks...
"eh..not right now, maybe later."

- posted by annie @ 11:52 PM

 
I feel guilty about thinking other guys are hot, not because I think they are hot but because I think that if I were not dating Mattt, I would totally (in the words of my friend Beth) "hit that," and that makes me feel guilty.
Actually the worst is the other day I cought myself checking out another guy when mattt was sitting next to me. Now thats low. I have never EVER seen Mattt check out another girl...and to be honest I would not mind if he did, I mean he doesn't know her, he just thinks she is pritty, and I know Mattt well enough to Know that he would not date a girl just because she was pritty. Me, maby i am that shallow. I may not date a guy because he was good looking, but I might make out with him. But yeah, i cought myself and i thought "oh, he is- oh my god i am checking out a guy with my boyfriend sitting right next to me! GOD I am an idiot." Worst part is that I don't think mattt even noticed, and if he did, he did not say anything. Yes, I am sometimes shallow, and I love to flirt. I have been flirting a lot more lately, it's a lot of fun.
- posted by annie @ 12:07 AM

 
Sometimes I feel trapped in my relationship with mattt...not very often but sometimes....those are usually the times that I feel he does not love me.

If someone won't do something for you, like go dancing, then do they really love you? a slight discomfort for love is nothing. I know if mattt realy wanted to do something, that i didn't enjoy, I would do it. Like playing video games for example. But then, I will try just about anything once. And I don't realy mind doing anything. Mattt hates so many things. At least it seems like it. he doens't like dancing, or actors, or kissing in public, or the cold....

I wanna dance with someone.
- posted by annie @ 10:59 PM

 
I'm homesick. But I am not sure which home I am sick for. I want to be back in San Francisco with my family because I miss them, and I liked San Francisco. I want to be back in new Orleans because it is where I was born and raised, and you cant never get rid of that little bit of you that wants to go back where you were raised. I want to go back to Perth and see my friends there, because they are all still in Perth, they never left the city, and I want to go wherever my friends are because I miss them too. But I don't want to leave because I have become comfortable here and use to my lifestyle now. So where do you go? I am not happy because I miss so much, and want to go back, but not only can I not go back, but that would solve nothing. I hate moving. I hate starting over. I hate leaving my family. I hate being on my own. I hate feeling lonely. I hate being unhappy.
- posted by annie @ 11:50 AM